This blog isn’t just for couples who are planning a wedding in Ireland, we’ve got some advice for guests as well. You are one of the most important cogs in the big wedding machine. There’s more to it than just showing up and enjoying the party - you ARE the party.
Here are our top tips on how you can be a great guest.
RSVP in good time
There’s nothing worse than leaving a couple hanging. Planning a wedding can be time-consuming and stressful and having an accurate headcount is essential. RSVP to any wedding invite you receive as quickly as you can, it’s just good manners. In some parts of Ireland, people will respond to an RSVP with a congratulations card. This is a lovely touch, but make sure you also RSVP using any preferred method that the couple give you, such as text or an internet form.
Dress appropriately
Pay attention to any dress codes on the invite. Weddings in Ireland can range from casual to very formal. If it says “black tie” you can be sure it’s quite formal, if it says casual, go with smart casual - it’s rare to see a guest in jeans at an irish wedding. Oh, and it’s Ireland, check the forecast before you leave and pack an umbrella/coat/snow boots/sunscreen/sunglasses, or all of these things.
Arrive on Time
This is super important. The couple have worked hard with their suppliers to construct a timeline for the day. Holding up a wedding ceremony should be high up on the list of things you don’t do as a guest. We would advise showing up to a wedding no later than 20 minutes before it’s due to start, and preferably at least half an hour. Factor in time it’ll take you to find the ceremony location and get parked.
Don’t step out into the aisle
No matter how good a photographer or videographer you are, unless you’re being paid by the couple to do so, don’t step out into the aisle at any point of the ceremony unless invited. Doing so risks spoiling the shot for the professionals who have been paid to get it and the couple will not get a shot that they wanted. Which leads us onto the next tip…
Put your Phone away
The couple has likely paid to have someone document their day so you don’t have to. Put your phone away and be present in the day. They’ll appreciate seeing your face more than they will having a phone thrust in their faces. Being the subject of a hundred iPhones over the course of a day can be fatiguing and even frustrating for the couple - believe us, we’ve seen a few near-meltdowns caused by snap-happy guests.
Respect the Ceremony
Whether it’s a religious, humanist or civil wedding, be respectful. Turn off your phone, avoid taking photos unless encouraged, and follow any religious or cultural customs. Try not to become a distraction; It’s a special moment for the couple, so give it the attention it deserves. And, unless you’re a kid, it’s NEVER ok to fall asleep during a ceremony.
Gift the right gift
If there’s guidance in the invite, follow it. If the couple say they’d prefer cash, then they’ll likely not appreciate you showing up to wedding with a Ninja Dual Compartment Air Fryer, no matter how versatile you think it is. If they haven’t stipulated a preference, cash inside a nice card is a safe bet. If they haven’t set up a specific place to deposit cards, seek out the best man and pass it to him rather than the couple.
Listen to the speeches.
The Irish love to chat. The ability to chat for hours on end about virtually any topic, to anyone is our superpower. But, please resist those natural urges when the speeches are happening. You could well think the speeches are boring or bad, but the person delivering it is likely nervous and has put a lot of effort in. Make sure you listen and cheer and laugh and cry and toast, as appropriate.
Hit the Dance Floor
When booking a band or DJ, the number one concern a couple has is whether people will dance. They’ll be so happy to see you, their friends and family, filling up the dance floor. And you know what, you’ll have great craic if you do.
Pace Yourself
Irish weddings are a marathon, not a sprint. Irish weddings are synonymous with drinking sessions, aka ‘the sesh.’ But remember to pace yourself, drink responsibly, and stay hydrated. You don’t want to be the passed-out guest, you don’t want to be the gobshite guest, and you DEFINITELY don’t want to be the vomiting guest.
Compliment and congratulate
And we don’t just mean the couple. Weddings tend not to have google listings where you can review them afterwards, so make sure you show your appreciation on the day. If there are proud parents make sure to tell them you’re having a great day. In some cases they’ve paid for everything and are hoping people will have a great time.
Be Social
We’ve photographed weddings where the couple actually met for the first time at a wedding. It’s like the opposite of speed-dating. Weddings are a great time to meet new people and reconnect with old friends. Be sociable and have a chat with other guests, especially those seated near you. And speaking of those seated near you…
Sit where you’re seated
If there is a seating plan, so stick with it. From experience, devising the seating plan is one of the most taxing parts of organising a wedding. A lot of thought has gone into it, so don’t go rogue.
Sign the Guest Book
If there’s a guest book or a fun guest book alternative, like a fingerprint tree or Polaroid station, take the time to leave a message. It’s a lovely keepsake for the couple and a great way to contribute to their memories of the day.
Join In
Confetti and sparkler lines, group shots, first dance, cutting of the cake… don’t shy away from things that are happening. It doesn’t matter if it’s January and below freezing, throw your coat on and join the sparkler line. And if the couple have laid on any entertainment from lawn games to petting zoos, make sure you take part - they’ve gone to great expense to provide this entertainment for you.
Prepare for a late one
It’s 3am and DJ has just played their last tune! You’re elated but exhausted and a bit pissed. Just as you’re about to toddle off to your room, a guitar emerges and the party moves on to the residents bar. This is the reality of a lot of Irish weddings. Book the next two days off work; you can sleep then.
